Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Transition

I normally write here when I have a lot on my mind and feel like spilling my thoughts on a physical keyboard.

I don't really write or post on how my day is nowadays because, well I simply just don't have the time, or I have just lost my mojo to write here.

Looking back, I have lost my mojo on a lot of things, not just writing here. Probably because I'm focused on more important things nowadays. As time passes by, priorities change.

There are alot of things that I don't do as often anymore, cafe hopping, dressing up, putting on make up.

Can't really catch up with the cafe hopping scene because there are just too many cafes these days, and not all are good. Also I've written about how disappointed I was with the photos on Instagram and how it's really like in real life. Half an hour for a nice photo and cold coffee? No thanks. Hehe in fact I've been making coffee using a Bialetti Moka pot gifted by Beanie every now and then, it's super good! Anyways, I'm a creature of habit, I always return to the same place for coffee, my favourite is RINSE's houjicha latte, and Three Little Birds at Desa Park.

Dressing up, well, I still try to do so once in a while, but I guess I don't buy clothes as often as before anymore, prefer to go for quality clothing rather than buying clothes you can wear for a few times nowadays. And I have been buying more clothes that are suitable for work. And my work wear is pretty much repetitive, despite my colleagues keep saying I have soooooo many clothes, it's untrue wtf.

I don't really put on make up nowadays because well, I prefer sleeping longer in bed over waking up earlier for work to put make up. Also, everyday after work, I'm rushing to the gym for classes! And I'm forever late (There was this one day I met my gym instructor at the registration counter at the gym and he went like, "YOU ARE SO LATE!") so there is no time to waste for make up removal wtf. So yep, I don't even really put on make up unless during weekends or unless there is an important event at work where I'll be meeting alot of people wtf. But........ I just bought more make up hehehehe that I have been lusting over for awhile. Made use of the Black Friday sale and got myself UD's Naked Heat palette and the eye primer.

I'm struggling to get back to my eating clean routine again, pretty much been nothing but a potato. Eating whatever I want. It is so hard to cut down on good food wtf. But I can vouch that I have been drinking way lesser than before this. Been cutting down on drinks because I feel damn tired the day after drinks and well...... I've been doing way too many stupid things after drinks.

The feeling is way too terrible when you cannot fit in your old clothes anymore, especially your old pants! Or when your tummy is sticking out when you wear a body con dress. And well I've been gaining some weight lately, it tells on the weighing scale. Though I've been telling myself it's muscle mass I guess I gotta get real and do more cardio and strength training because the other day I tried doing old blogilates videos (pilates using basic body weight) and I couldn't anymore. Gotta stop solely relying on body combat. But I love combat! I love the steps, I love how motivating and positive the instructor is, and I love how every single one of us in the class loves the class. I've been in combat class for a year and in this year itself I've been seeing the same people in combat class but I never mastered the courage to talk to anyone of them. *Shy*

Over the years, priorities change.

From the past till now, I've always been a family oriented person. Or I have always been brought up to be one. Like I finally understood why mom has been so hard on me in the past. It was for my own good. And when all else fails, there is no one left to back you up except your family, they will never leave you alone despite how fucked up of a situation you have put yourself into.

Each and everyday I hear more scary stories about my friends losing their family. It scares me alot that one day it may occur to me. And my parents aren't very young anymore. Dad's hair is getting grey.

I've been trying to spend more time with them lately. On weekends. Or maybe just going home early after work to eat dinner with them. And I have been sharing a lot with them about my life and the lives of people around me. My next thing I want to do is bring both my parents on a holiday, and hopefully they won't drive me crazy during that holiday. Because old people like to do different things as compared to us youngsters.

Work is well, work. Everyone else is leaving or has left to the neighbouring country with 3 times the currency. I on the other hand, kinda accepted the fact I am staying. I made plans on getting a new phone and a new car, will talk about more of this later, but yep, it's too late to go to the neighbouring country now when it's almost peak and I need to start over again, plus forgoing my bonus. I have said this time and time again, but in my working life in my current company so far, I've been lucky to meet people who are so willing to guide, and give me room to learn and improve myself, and another plus point is having colleagues that I can click and hang out with and keep me going wtf. If I were to move to the neighbouring country next year, it wouldn't be so beneficial for me as well...... So I guess I'm staying for a while now........... But well I don't really know, who knows, in my next post I might just tell you all about my move to another country....

Heh, I am really lucky to be working in such a good environment, though sometimes work can drive me nuts. Well, I've been always taught to look at the objective of doing things, and well I could always approach people around me if there was something I did not understand about. And so far, I've been learning new things and understanding what I've been doing. Though on some days, it can get real tough and challenging. After overcoming the challenge and looking back at it, it's like hey I did it! It was not as bad after all! What sort of challenge, juggling multiple jobs at a time, having way too many things due on the same day which results in me having to stay back late to complete everything. It's not so easy to 'just pass to someone else to do lah' because hey, there is something called being responsible and not everyone knows what is going on, or receive comments like 'quit your job lah'. There is nothing wrong with my job.

Heh, I'm quite glad that I have relatable friends to complain to regarding my job because they understand my pain. It's hard to complain to someone who works outside of this line, because here, we pick up things fast and we have to lead a team, within at least two years of experience. Meanwhile, other people who are outside this line is like, well, most likely bitching about their bosses and how they are being monitored. And when I tell them, maybe your boss is trying to make you see things in a different perspective, or "Have you ever asked why he is making you do that?" Then people get triggered LOLOL. Oops.

That explains why when others ask me how is work nowadays, I don't even bother explaining anymore.

Recently though, have been looking at the new iPhone and cars not because I want a new phone or car for the sake of wanting one, but I actually need one. My phone is dying and its pathetic 16GB storage space is annoying the shit out of me with the constant "out of memory" pop up message. And the car, well, anyone of my friends/colleagues who I picked up says the same shit about how worrying it is to drive a car like mine which acts as if it is going to breakdown any time and anywhere.

I didn't know the car was such a time consuming and expensive toy until my friend recently got a car. He was like telling me how he did so much research online, how he picked the right salesman up till how did he go apply for his car loan.

I have been isolating myself a lot lately. Well, in the sense that I don't share a lot about myself anymore, I'm cautious about who I go out with or share things with, and I don't really bother to make conversation with new people any more. So much that sometimes I just feel that I just can't communicate with anyone else any more, I don't know how. This scares me.

Why have I built this wall? I've been through too much.

What makes me feel happy and contented nowadays, if you really want to know, is a good workout at the gym, or just spending alone time drinking a cup of coffee at my favourite cafe, getting adequate sleep, spending time with a good bunch of friends and conversations about what we are doing with our lives these days.

Heh, gotta run, toodles!

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Musings


Hello, I figured out writing would make me feel at ease again. I've been meaning to write but I just couldn't sit myself down and go on typing for hours like how I would usually do in the past anymore.

I've been on a long break for about two months from my job. I honestly cannot remember how to work anymore.

What have I been doing in the past two months? I have been travelling a lot. I went to Sydney, Bangkok, Singapore and Indonesia. Each travel tells its own tale but then again I couldn't be bothered to write it down as detailed as possible.

Other than that I have just been lazing at home, working out at the gym at any particular slot I want to, watching alot of random weird shit on the internet (Asian Boss channel - particularly the videos on the North Korean defectors), catching up on movies (Crazy Stupid Love, The Martian), reading up on books (The Martian, Crazy Rich Asian series, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck), catching up with my friends, downloading new music, laying on the couch taking naps whenever I want with Kopi (my pet dog) and just wandering around aimlessly in the mall.

Can't remember when I last had the luxury to just do the above as and when I like. It just felt good to do me, the stuff I wanted to do, as freely and as long as I like to do.

As I grow older (really hate to admit this), I realized the more I wanted to know myself better, challenge myself, improve myself. Nowadays, it is always the off days where I sit down and reflect on what I have achieved so far, and what I wanted to do next, or what could I improve.

On busy working days, time flies so fast, wake up, rush to work, eat lunch, work, get off work, head to the gym, dinner, shower, sleep, repeat. Sounds mundane, that routine life. But I pretty much got used to it. It doesn't mean that I'm doing the same thing everyday. At work, I'm doing new things which I didn't do in the past. At the gym, I get better at each class, maybe lift a little heavier, learn a new machine, or punch and kick better during combat class.

There are a lot of things I would probably have to improve - in the aspect of managing my money probably. Been spending way too much then I should during these holidays. Or in terms of eating cleaner, been indulging in way too many holiday beers and good food.

Financial planning is something everyone has been talking about but really getting down to doing it, how many of us have really done it? I've talked about it in m previous post but I myself have not gotten anything done about it yet. It took an unfortunate event of a relative passing away to realize that insurance is important. He did not buy insurance for himself and he left behind 5 kids. Some people would like to think that buying insurance is a taboo. Or like me, most people would think insurance is another way for someone else to try and make your money. Kind of get it why those insurance ads say stuff like "protect your loved ones" now.

I recently went to Flores, East Nusa Tenggara, Indonesia with the recommendation of a few other colleagues in my department. To be honest I had a really low expectation on this trip because I've been told it's a backpacking trip, having to sleep on a boat (was so scared of getting sea sick, I did get sea sick but only on the last night of the stay), having to sleep at not so clean places and only being able to bathe once a day. But you could say, I was pleasantly surprised! The boat was much much cleaner than every other boat I've sat in my entire life. Was also surrounded by nature most of the time and most importantly the place was not commercialised yet.

From this trip I've seen happiness in the eyes of people who live in the village, and it is so simple to be happy for them. What about us city kids? Why were we always hungry for more to be happy? Or why are we always trying so hard to be happy? Or chasing material things to be happy?

When happiness can just be as simple as flashing a genuine smile to someone else. Or being carefree kids who had nothing in the world to do but run up and down hills and play soccer with my friends.

We can make happiness as simple too. It's all in the matter of perspective.

Think I wrote this on my Instagram before. But take work for instance. You tell the whole world you have the meanest boss in the world. Your job sucks. But have you tried the hardest on your end? Or did you try to see it in your bosses' shoes on what he's trying to let you learn or realize?

It's all up to you on the way you see things. You can change the mean boss perception and take on a challenge of understanding the way your boss works and what he is trying to make you learn or see. Or perhaps, voicing up to him and have a polite discussion that you don't agree on certain things or what you don't understand about certain things. You will be surprised at the response and you will be taken so much more seriously by your boss after that.

Ok gotta snooze. Will edit this post later on when I'm back and continue my grandma story.

Goodnight.



Thursday, June 29, 2017

To Go with the Flo-w or Not?

Excuse me for the punny title, just had the inspiration to write on this platform.

It's been awhile since I've had the time to sit down and write, even on Dayre I haven't been writing as much. Most of my days start with work, workout, sleep, repeat, and on the weekends it would be sleep as much as I want and make time for the people I wanted to see and make time for.

Currently I'm on my annual 1 month break.

As you can see from my previous post, I just got back from Sydney. I will write about it more in the next few posts while I have the time.

I'm here to write about myself again. Sorry, you must be thinking what a 'self-entitled' person I am, most of the blog posts are about myself. But yeah, this is a place to document about my own personal experiences, and besides there is nothing much interesting going on in my life anyways.... Or that's what I think.

I have always wondered, why are we so afraid of doing what we want to do? Why are we so afraid of what others think of what we do? Do other people care if we were doing what we love or if we were happy? Am I doing life at 24 years old right? What more can I do at where I am today?

This has been going on and on in my head a lot.

There are a lot of onlookers who gave their opinion on how I'm living my life. I am trying very hard to psyche myself that their opinions don't matter, unless 10 of them tell you the same shit, then something may be wrong with you. Believe me I am trying to be less condescending about others too, and most importantly minding my own business, and keeping the comments about others to myself in my head wtf.

In their eyes, or what I have chosen to show to them, I look like someone who only works and works and works and complains. I guess I only use Twitter as a platform to vent out my upset feelings, and not write about the things that I am grateful, or feeling happy about. One thing to understand is when it comes to work, there is stress that comes with it and you have to express it somewhere. I have chosen an outlet where I do not complain as much in person, unless you are in the same line as me, then we would be complaining to each other about each other's work. Otherwise, no, I will not rant to you because you would find my complaints annoying. So I have turned to Twitter to vent my frustration. To an extent where a high school friend who, I am not close with, ringed me up to check if I was okay and that my life was miserable. Wow. Thank you very much for your kind words and concern. 

Not sure if it is right to talk about my career in such an open platform, I have always been generalizing it because well, it is not nice if your bosses happen to stumble upon your little blog and watch you bitch about work. But let us be fair, I haven't written anything bad about anyone and anything bad directly related to my work. Let's keep it professional wtf. (LOL)

Anyway, I have been in this line for 2 years and 4 months, and counting.

At the start of my career, I was probably questioning myself like why am I in this line? What am I doing with my life? I still question myself occasionally but I have come to a conclusion that I am still doing okay at where I am lately.

As per my previous posts, I have met all kinds of people in my workplace, ones who take advantage of you, ones who help you learn and grow, and ones who motivate you to be a better person. So I shall not talk about it from the people aspect.

In terms of work, I have to say that along the way, it is not very routine, you learn something new everyday as you progress. You are constantly given opportunities and also doing things you have never done before.

It may be more challenging on some days, and when you overcome it, there is a sense of satisfaction, or at least for me, there is. You will be like, "Oh, shit I complained damn a lot, but looking back at it, I see the bigger picture and it wasn't so hard after all, I did it, and I learnt something new!"

And the cycle repeats. Life.

Work becomes much much more easier if you question yourself, "Why am I doing this? Where are we trying to go from here? What do we intend to achieve at the end of the day?"

Or if you are stuck somewhere, you know you can always seek for help, guidance, or for comfort, from people around you, whether it's your colleagues or your bosses.

And then there is people who question like, why are you working so hard for when you can be your own boss, when are you going to resign?

Erm. Hello, why do you think I am still in the same job even after 2 years and 4 months. I still see a reason to stay. I am still learning and growing and I still see that sense of satisfaction in my job. I mean, its not too bad, steep learning curve for the first few months of the year, and other times of the year, you work, but not as hard. Which other job gives you the opportunity of letting you take a month off and still pays you? Well, mine does.

Just because you do not want to go on this career path, doesn't mean that I feel the same way about it. Maybe you didn't stay long enough to reap the benefits of this career, maybe I have seen the bigger picture of it. I still wake up each day and still see a reason to look forward to going to work.

A lot of my colleagues have been moving to Singapore.

Should I go to Singapore just because everyone is going to Singapore?

Should I go for the sake of the currency? Should I follow for the sake of my friends? Should I go for the comfort of wanting to live alone, uninterrupted, a space for myself? This has been going on in my mind for quite some time and it still is. Probably annoyed the crap out of the people I poured my thoughts to by talking about this numerous times. It isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

But what many people don't talk about often is, what comes with the three times currency. You may not be able to take as much leave as how easy it is in my current department, you may not be able to get promoted even you performed, because there will always be a quota for Malaysians, you get so lonely during weekends because well there is no where to go, no one to talk to, with three times the money, it means three times the workload. You are the senior and the junior in the team.

And also the thought of staying in Singapore, are you in it for short term or long term, do you really want to settle down in Singapore?

I am sure of there are the pros too, like how Singapore is an international hub and you probably will get a wider exposure dealing with international clients and multinational companies.

But I have come to put my foot down that it is okay to stay where I am now. My life in my current company is okay and I have a nice boss who takes care of his staff and still grows his staff. (If he leaves then maybe I shall reconsider my options wtf)

Also what is stopping me is do I really want to do audit in the next few years?

What do I want to do next?

Indeed, I have been talking about that a lot too, hopefully, I would find the courage to sign up for what I want to do next once I have settled getting my chartered accountancy. At least if I screw up in my future intended plans, I would have at least still have my chartered accountant status to fall back to.

If you have been a follower of my instagram or my blog, you would have known that I have loved visiting cafes. I have always envisioned myself to come up with one myself in the future, but I definitely know that it isn't an easy journey.

What makes a person want to revisit the cafe again and again and not just a one time consumer? Is it the food, the coffee, the service, or all three of it?

First of all there is the rental to think about, how are you going to earn enough to cover the rental cost? How to sustain the business to keep it running long term? Also what kind of concept do you want to do? How should you style your cafe. How much will renovation cost. Where to get all that money from? Do you want to specialize in desserts, or serve hot food? What type of food then? How are you going to come up with the menu and how much will it cost? What is your margin? Who is going to cook? Am I going to take a barista course so I know what beans to serve? What about the staff? Who is going to train the staff and how can you keep the quality in line?

Through a platform like instagram, I got in touch with an instagrammer with quite a reputable number of followers and met up to 'cafe hop'. I was really disappointed in how there is so much work behind an instagram photo, taking up to half an hour and by the time we could eat, the food was cold. I hated it. If you must know, I still eat my food warm, despite me taking shots for my instagram feed. I just take like less than 5 minutes to snap, then I eat my food. I am not too fussy with my photos I guess, I thought I was, but I discovered that there were more fussy people than me. Also in these day and age, such minimal shots are not actually minimal shots, some details in the photos are actually edited out to give it that clean vibe.

Sort of a reminder to tell me, I don't wanna be like them. Now I know why certain restaurants come up with a no photo policy in their restaurants wtf, because when the food gets cold, it isn't as yummy anymore.

However when out with this instagrammer, he talked so much about coffee, how 'balanced' it is, or what type of beans are used, what method of brewing the coffee, I totally felt like a retard. How to pursue this dream and how I call myself a person who loved visiting cafes when I didn't know any shit like that about coffee?

I have still so much to learn I guess, and I question myself, how passionate am I in this? Do I really want to pursue this cafe interest? Hmm.

Other than that, there are a few friends who told me that I could 'be my own boss'. Start a business. What harm is it to try when you are still young? I mean sure, hey, being your own boss sounds fun and looks nice, but it takes more hard work, time, effort and passion to start up something. Also you need to at least have some savings to start up something, which is what I am currently doing, as I don't have a convenient, big fat ATM called my parents. Don't get me wrong, my parents are still around, but I definitely do not want to start a business with their hard earned money.

Do you know how tough the journey is when you start up a business? You definitely can't call yourself a 'start-up' or an 'entrepreneur' if you never experienced the hardships of starting your own business. Hopefully the day comes soon when I find the courage to step out to start my own business, until then, wait and see.

Adulting is tough, it definitely is when you are trying hard to adapt to the adult world.

Life is no longer as carefree as you thought it was.

People around you talk about buying cars, houses, insurance, stocks, unit trust and all that shit you call financial planning. You wish to push it away, delay it as far as possible so that you won't have to put a chunk of your salary paying for all these things. Unfortunately for me and for you, I've learnt that the longer you delay these things, the more expensive it gets, and touch wood, you may not have enough money for your future if you do not invest in such things.

I guess it is time to take the initiative to learn about all these things and be responsible for it. Take your time to find a suitable person selling those kind of things because the person really wants the best for you, not because they just want to earn your commission. Talk to people about all these. Ask many questions until you are certain and comfortable of where you are putting your money and what are they doing with your money.

Also about savings, I have been talking about this with my group of friends a lot. How much of your salary goes to your savings? And it scares me that I have not been saving enough. I am very ashamed to tell the world that from my first month of work and today, after 2 years and 4 months, the savings each month is the same. You have to realize that your spending power increases when your salary increases, but you must also make sure that your savings increases too, which I am trying really hard to practice.

I recently have gotten my first credit card. It is definitely nothing to be proud of, just something to use if any emergency needs comes up.

I have certainly heard about a lot of credit card horror stories, in my circle of friends and also in my line of work. It is fun to swipe card and you thought that you have extra money to spend, but actually it is not extra money, it is just having money to roll around for the current month, but you still need to keep the aside that money to pay your credit card bills at the end of the month anyway. And many people forget that bit and continue to spend it off, and end up not being able to pay off their credit card bills.

I have gone through personal loan application forms and the reason for taking the personal loan was 'to pay off credit card bills'. A loan to pay off another loan.

That is scary.

And what is more scary is that the loan applicant was around my age. I start to question, how aware is our generation regarding financials?

Other than that I have been working on myself, going to the gym, watching Youtube videos, catching up on movies, listening to music, reading e-books, going to cafes and savouring the cup of coffee and thinking about where I am in life lately and walking around the mall aimlessly. I am definitely trying to pick up on where I have lost myself in this whole work routine (and get back to work feeling more motivated).

Anyway, this is all that I wish to share with you guys lately, to the ones who are still reading, thanks for sticking with me. Much love.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Kopenhagen Coffee @ Vista Kiara, Mont Kiara

Hope everyone is having a cozy Wednesday afternoon, at least I know I am.

As I'm having time off now for a week, got a chance to explore another cafe on my to visit list. It has been awhile since having a write up just like this, and hopefully there are people still reading this. If you are, do let me know if you like it, and I should do more, and also let me know how I can improve.

I've heard a lot and also seen a lot about Kopenhagen Coffee on social media. This place seems very instaworthy as seen from the pictures tagged and no doubt, it is indeed instaworthy.

Though reading Foursquare and the reviews on the Facebook page may seem a little not convincing, I would suggest you guys to head there on a weekday afternoon. Perhaps then, you would not need to face any parking issues, service issues or any problem getting a table there.

Kopenhagen Coffee brands themselves as a minimalist Scandinavian cafe which serves coffee, tea, and Scandinavian confectionery.  

It is located on the first floor and you would have to climb up the stairs on the right side of the building to get there. Once you get in, you are greeted by the friendly barista at the barista counter. You would have to place an order at the counter and they will send the food and coffee to you after that.

As I was here on a weekday afternoon, it was not crowded at all which was nice to get some work done and also freely take my pictures without any other human in the background. I had no trouble in getting any parking as well and the staff were friendly. Another plus point of this place is there are multiple plug points and there is good wifi, which makes this cafe work-friendly. (Psst, now you know where to go to curi ayam


Flat White (RM11) - the cup is bigger than it looks, haha. Love the tableware so much and I think they pretty much use cups like this for all their coffee. It's very.... English. My cup of coffee was decent and I have no complaints about it.


Scrambled Eggs, Fresh Tomatoes, Spring Onions with Sourdough Bread (RM14) - Well, the staff told me that they ran out of sourdough bread so they gave me the choice of replacing it with croissant or bagel, and if you know how much I love croissant, I went with the croissant. The scrambled eggs were fluffly and some how the combination of onions and tomatoes went really well. Would say that the portion was pretty decent as well. Would come back to try this the next time with sourdough instead!


The barista area. Behind the barista area was the famed couch instagram spot but I couldn't get a picture as some other people were seated in that area.

To be honest, from the photos seen on the internet, I expected the cafe to be a little bigger though. Would not recommend you to head to this place on weekends as seats are pretty limited. (Maybe about 10 tables?)


Perhaps, the service charge and the GST is already included in the food and drinks amount but the bill came up to RM25 nett, which I feel that it is quite standard and affordable. Would definitely come back here again to try other things on their menu.


Last but not least, the parking area outside Kopenhagen Coffee. Parking is free. Apparently you are supposed to register with the guards but I guess during my visit it was raining quite heavily so there were no guards around to make a fuss.

To make your directions easier, Kopenhagen Coffee is located opposite Garden International School.

Kopenhagen Coffee
Vista Kiara, Jalan Kiara 3,
Mont Kiara, Kuala Lumpur,
Malaysia.

Opening Hours:
Monday to Friday - 7:00am - 7:00pm
Weekends - 9:00am - 7:00pm

Website: http://www.kopenhagencoffee.com/
Instagram: @kopenhagencoffee
Phone Number: 03-62116363

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Probably a weekend of self reflection where I re-read my Dayre posts from the start of my Dayre to this very day. I’ve updated a lot lesser these days compared to before this. I can’t really tell if I’m:
a) Contented with my everyday life right now.
b) Nothing interesting going on in my daily life.
c) More aware of my surroundings and not sharing too much over the internet.

 Maybe its d) all of the above.

I read back my past posts and I didn’t know that I could feel so much about a significant other. Back then was this whole puppy love thing where I spent every other day with this person to the extent where it was unhealthy. At that time, you can say I would drop everything I was doing for this person. I spent my time in college with this person, out of college with this person, and when we went to a separate university. It was really hard on me.

 The world revolved around this person and when he left, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t know what to do every day and I kind of did not have any friends because well, I did not focus on my friends at all when I was in this relationship. There were many nights which I couldn’t fall asleep. I spent those nights questioning my worth. What went wrong? Why are things falling apart? Where I constantly told myself, “It’s okay” even when it is not. I drove myself crazy telling myself, maybe it’s me.

 When he went away for studies, well, I guess we both have had more time for ourselves. I don’t know much about him because we don’t even text as often, or we only talked on the phone once every few days, for about 10 minutes? And the call would always end in the library, “I have to continue studying.”

I was sort of forced to move on with life, but I’m glad I have the company, particularly at that point in time, the tam jiaks I spent most of my days in university, and also the college bunch, both who never questioned much about the whole situation. It was always good to hang out with them and I felt like I was slowly doing better. I slowly realized, I was done waiting for that 1 phone call every week because it will always end up the same old, “I’m busy.” and in disappointment. There are more other things to look forward to in my everyday life.

I realized, there was more to life than just being obsessed with this one person. So much to see, so much to do, and there were many other people around me who cared more about me at that point in time.

What confirmed my feelings? Probably one of it was when he was back for spring break and I realized, I didn’t feel excited to see him. It felt just…. Meh….

But I did not have the guts to end things, so I decided to just screw it. Cut all connections.

Until the day when I was finally ready to face this problem. But when he came back to Malaysia when he was done with his studies, we met up. But we did not even talk about how things ended. We probably understood that it ended. Or at least he did. I was always hoping for that closure.

It took me awhile to come to a realization to what went wrong. I was probably so obsessed with the person that it was suffocating. This was what went wrong. I wouldn’t say that it was only this that went wrong, but there were other things that went wrong too and both parties were at fault. I got my own closure after all.

In a way I am thankful for everything that has happened. Things could have turned out so different today, but nevertheless, no regrets. It wouldn’t make me the person I am today. Years on later, I can say that, well I genuinely wish that this person is well.

 Wow, I didn’t know I could write so long about that. Been reading my posts and realizing on a lot of things, I guess. One of it is, I couldn’t seem to care less anymore. Not too sure whether this is a good thing or not, but I think it is. In the past, whenever someone makes plans, I would think to myself:

“If I don’t go, then would he/she think of me in a bad way? Will he/she be unhappy with me?”

“If I don’t go, will they have more fun without me?”

All these kind of negative thoughts. Right now, I just couldn’t care less any more. If I felt like showing up, I would. And if I didn’t, well I would just not show up. Probably explains why my social circle now is so small wtf.

Also with this, i realize that now, i have more say over myself. I take charge and decide what i want for myself nowadays, rather than just following the flow. I tend to voice up and stand up for myself if i don't agree on something. I don't try to please others anymore.

And well, I'm more of myself. I'm not a girly girl. There are people telling me like "oh girls should not drink. Girls should not curse. Girls should not club."

I gave this person a piece of my mind. But why do people have to jump to conclusions? Someone may go to a club or a bar to hook up, but someone may just go clubbing just to have fun with her bunch or friends or catch up at the bar. Why do people jump to conclusions that it is the first option? And besides, you shouldn't be telling me what i should or shouldnt do.

When I first came out to work, I told myself, I had to be optimistic, go and make more friends.

The first year of work was fun with the constant outings, but that also led to constant drama. Where were these people when shit happened? And then you question yourself, for all those nights you’ve spent hanging out with them, wasn’t there sort of a bond where well, these ‘friends’, actually care about you? Erm, unfortunately, not the case. Some people just want to know what’s going on in your life not because they care about you, I guess they just want to know because they want something to talk about.

There were good times, which I do, at times, wish to relive, but well… Shit happens. This is the cold hard real world. And I told myself, I had enough. I should draw a line. Work is work. People from work stays at work. (Except few who make the cut)

Or at least I have to be skeptical of everyone, because well, despite how much I hate to say this, everyone has intentions, and not everyone wants the best for you. Everything that happened has made me a very pessimistic and careful person.

Well, in terms of work, it is really hard when well, the effort you put in in work may not be the same as others. Some people may put in more effort, which makes you question yourself. “If he can do it, why can’t I?”

And these sort of people that put effort are the ones that you look up to at work.

But there are also people who don’t bother to put any effort to at work. What is your purpose at a job? Are you hired just to just to do nothing, or to just be a corporate slave and have a fat pay check in your bank account? I mean at the very least, you have to be in this job for a reason right? It would be meaningless to work just for the money, wasting away your hours doing something you hate, or doing nothing at all. And besides, there is no such thing as free lunch in this world, when your employer hires you, of course you have to give it back in some form, which is your work, and it is your responsibility to shoulder it. (Probably because of this sense of responsibility that’s why I work so late everyday wtf)

But ugh. Why can’t people put in more effort in their jobs?!?!

Other than the usual updates, I have been having the travel bug lately. I have been wanting to travel but cannot make an effort to plan because I have yet to get my passport done yet because my current one is expiring. Which I do not have the time to. Government offices should be open even on weekends wtf. What about the working people who have no time to go make passport during office hours?!!??!

Also. Money! I have been worrying alot about this lately. The transition to an adult is definitely a huge one. There is so much more bills to settle, allowance for parents, insurance. And to save up for car, house, and investing.

Besides that, i guess i have been spending time bettering myself. Being able to visit the gym on a more often basis again makes me  really happy! Happier than having to go to work wtf. One thing i hate about going to the gym though is removing my make up... Which probably explains why i don't really wear make up nowadays because lazy. LOL. Most of the time i will rush to the gym after work for classes and i would like to book a proper spot because once you are late, you don't have a proper spot in the class because of other after work crowd who are even more kiasu wtf.

I am getting lazier at dressing up. Should probably put more effort in doing so cause well.... Sort of a way to feel better about myself i guess. But i don't see any new nice clothes lately or either they are ridiculously priced. Actually I'm rather annoyed. Like you see a nice dress and then when you turn it around it has some ugly detailing at the back. It happens rather often nowadays.

Ok enough of ranting here, toodles for now, till the next time I feel like writing as much again.